This is more than two words

I promised myself I would get back to writing on April 1st, which seemed appropriate because I write funny books. Even if it was just two words, I would write them down, because that would make me a writer again.

It has been five weeks since my mom died. It is easier to say “passed away” when I’m talking to people, but the fact is she died suddenly, unexpectedly, but peacefully in her sleep, which was a blessing for her.

Grief is hard.

Because of the timing, and having my sister and her family staying with us, I didn’t go to church the first two Sundays, and then because of work commitments the following two Sundays, I thought I would go to a Lenten Soup Supper, at least. Bear in mind that this was five days after we had buried my mom.

I was fine with the hugs, and the whispers of “You’re in my prayers.” I wasn’t quite fine with the questions of “What’s wrong?” because then I had to explain.

And then my clueless friend sitting next to me, repeated a joke, which I had unfortunately forgotten, the punch line of which was “DEAD!”

Then, because I was visibly upset, someone else at the table asked if I couldn’t take something.

“Like what?” I asked.

“You know, like…” and I realized she was talking about an antidepressant (which for the record is not recommended for someone who is grieving, and for the record, I am not depressed).

At that point, I realized I need to leave. Immediately.

But there have been moments of grace, too.

Last Saturday, I attended a fashion show, a fundraiser for a group my mom had belonged to; shee had many good friends among the members.

I got more hugs, then I sat down to lunch with three of my mom’s friends, who I had invited to come with me.

When it came time for dessert, my mom’s 84-year-old friend seated to my left took one look at it—a dark chocolate cake with raspberry sauce and a chocolate doodad on top—and blurted out, “Oh, your mom would have died and gone to heaven!”

And I turned to her, and without missing a beat said, “I think she did.” And then we both smiled and laughed, and yes, there were a few more tears, but they were happy ones. And we ate our chocolate cake and it was delicious.

I think I’ll get through.

And this entry was a lot more than two words.